A Pastor’s Heart Changed by the Death of a Friend

Dear Sister DeDe,

Time would not permit me to express all I wanted to say at John’s funeral. So, I wanted to take the time to write you and the boys this letter. Let me start with the struggle I had in thinking about what I was going to say at John’s funeral. Most funerals up to this point in my ministry have been routine. You don’t say much about the deceased, and you preach a message of salvation to the living and leave the deceased in the hands of a just God.

This was so different, I was troubled for those three days. How would I be able to deal with all the hurt that would be in that room? Furthermore, how would I deal with my own hurt? My family had gone through the loss of my grandparents and then a week later, my uncle. The loss of Jack Williams compounded the pain and suffering. My hope was that John was going to be healed. I thought for sure this was all going to be changed by a victory in John’s life.

The Sunday I prayed for him I felt so much of the presence of God I almost collapsed. When we would come to the house for lunch and prayer, the presence of the Lord would witness in my soul. Again, I would leave convinced that God was at work. No one could tell me I would get a call on a Sunday afternoon that John was rushed to the hospital. Even then, I was sure God would pull him out for His glory and John’s good.

When I walked in that room, all the life was sucked out of me. I can’t explain the helplessness I felt when I could not affect a change in my friend’s condition. Let me say this to you. John was my friend. Even though we never went hunting and we never got to do anything outside of the fellowship we had together, I counted him as my friend because of his love for God and man.

When we left the hospital to go to church, we had planned on coming back to the hospital to see John and once again I felt everything was going to be all right. When we returned to the hospital and Josh told me he was gone, it was like someone punched me in the stomach. I was glad his suffering was over. Yet, I knew the suffering for all that loved him was just about to begin. Then, I started thinking, “What am I going to say to all those who would be hurt at this great loss.”

The next day Pastor and I were returning from lunch to the church, and as I pondered what I was going to say, those infamous words began to ring in my spirit, “Blame John.” DeDe, I can honestly tell you I thought this can’t be God until, I continued to listen. Remember, I told you that time wouldn’t permit me to tell you everything at the funeral; so, let me explain with a little more detail why I believe that word was from the Lord.

To say that someone is responsible for making a change, John’s life affected kingdoms. First, as John held onto his faith like Job, he affected the kingdom of darkness. I can imagine all the times that the forces of darkness told him to curse God and die. I can imagine they received a tremendous blow when he overcame his trial and went home to be with his Master. I see great things stirring in people’s lives because he dared to believe.

The devil is probably asking at this every moment who is responsible for the stirring in the heart of that pastor. I thought we calmed him down when his grandparents died. I thought he lost his faith when Jack Williams died. How did he get his faith back? The forces of darkness reply, “It was the faith of that guy named John. He wouldn’t give up. He kept believing in the face of difficulty. Now, that Pastor Roy has a new desire to serve the Lord again.”

Because he kept his faith, he has changed my life forever. Yes, I blame John for my new desire and zeal to serve the Lord. Every sermon I preach, he is a part of it. He showed something I couldn’t deny, God’s ability to keep us from falling in the midst of the most difficult circumstances is truth. Sometimes when someone is close to us, it is hard for us to see how valuable he or she really is. I’m not much of a writer, but I had to put this on paper so it would not be forgotten.

DeDe, I have done many funerals over my 21 years as a pastor. People are soon forgotten after the funeral is over. I believe God gave me that title so that the things I said about John that day will always be a part of the hearts and minds of those who attended and loved him. Yes, I know it was controversial, but God said I must say it that way to drive home how unusual of a man this was. Please don’t doubt that God will use that as a means of accountability for all who were present.

I have been changed forever. I am a very hard man, a disciplinarian in many ways. John taught me what I knew to be true. Everyday is a gift and I must learn to spend it wisely and with love and respect giving something back to God and to my fellow man. One day they will preach my funeral and my only wish is that people will feel about me the way I felt about your husband, my friend in Christ, John Cholock.

Sincerely

Pastor Roy Aiken, Jr.